The sweetest music to my ears…

Dearest S,

Last night, you called me and we had a great conversation. It was so great hearing your voice. I’ve been a musician my entire life, and honestly your voice sounds like the sweetest music to my ears. We talked for almost two hours, about so many different things.

We laughed about your recent new twitter account, and how much you hate social media in general. Very interestingly, you told me you are considering moving closer to where I live because of the new job, and because you are ready for a change in your living environment. The fact that you currently live 55 miles away from me was one of the factors that made things difficult earlier on. The idea of you being close by is beyond exciting.

I told you about some really great hiking around here and you were shocked to learn I like to hike. I guess I gave you the impression I was a total city boy, and anti-outdoors. Not true. You said that we should do a hike soon, maybe next week. I can’t wait. There’s a beautiful hike not far from here I would love to show you.

We also discussed the duet we’re going to sing, and how you wish you were a professional singer. I told you I’d do my best to make this duet as much fun for us as possible, and as easy for you as possible. I know we’ll really enjoy it. I joked that if we perform it at my show, the management might want me to hire you full time. You laughed and said maybe they could hire you to just sit there with me and kiss me all night. I liked hearing you say that.

In general, you noted that you’re not sure you’ve completely found what it is you want to do yet, even though you got this recent new job. I told you it’s OK if you’re not sure yet, and it’s better to be not sure now, than think you are and look back ten years later with regret. Honestly, if we could make this work I would be happy to support both of us until you do figure out your next move. Nothing would make me happier than supporting you as you follow your dreams and desires. I’m living mine, you deserve to also.

Incidentally, I did tell you that if you need a place to stay, you could stay with me. You mentioned it was something you’d consider, though you imagined we’d end up wanting to sleep in the same bed together. Um…yeah. 🙂 But seriously, we know you can always go back home to your parents’ house, they offered you that safety net when your former company downsized you out a few weeks ago. I told you that it’s good to know you have that safety net, but that means you can actually take some chances now as you begin with this new company.  Who knows, maybe you’ll find a place around here, I’m just excited you might live closer to me. I had mentioned to you a month ago that I was considering moving closer to you, because we live a little bit far from each other.

Then our conversation turned to how you’re not sure if you want kids, but that probably if you do, you’d want to adopt an African orphan rather than conceive one yourself. Your skin is as white as snow, but you are progressive, courageous and forward thinking enough to want to transcend race and do that. I just think that’s so beautiful, and it is indicative of your creative “out of the box” mind, which is one of the strongest things that attracts me to you, I think. I mentioned in an earlier part of this blog how sweet, adorable and thoughtful I think that is; the idea of being a mother to someone already on the earth who desperately needs a mother. It makes me adore you even more. So in last night’s conversation, I told you how I feel about it and you seemed pleasantly surprised. You actually said to me, “Really? You mean you wouldn’t mind adopting an African orphan who needed parents? That would be OK with you”?

Yes, my love. Really. If we can give this relationship a real try together and if I’m a lucky enough man that we can make it work, I would be so happy to adopt a child with you when you think we’re ready to. I know you’d make the most awesome mommy to that child, and nothing would make me happier than to break social, cultural, and racial barriers with you like that, while letting our love shine on another soul that needs love. I didn’t quite say that to you yet. But I loved the questions you were asking me, and the fact that you were asking them.

And clearly, the tone of this conversation we just had is rather different than that of the conversation from last week. It’s hard to know what to make of that. Maybe I’d better not make too much of it at all. It is, in fact, consistent with your statement that you do have feelings for me but that you’re not yet sure what you want. I’m under no illusion that this conversation, however good it felt, means that the issues are resolved. At this moment, you may be fluctuating between conflicting feelings and have some level of confusion that takes you to different places. I am trying my best to simply be a good listener, to listen to you with my heart, and let you find your own way to me, which of course I hope you do. But I don’t want to rush it or push it, because I want this for real. In the meantime, your voice really is the sweetest music to my ears.

I love you so much, S.

A.

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