I am starting this blog because in many ways, as your song goes, we are still “on the first page” of this perfect storm. Our story has barely begun. And yet, I see in it so much promise, potential, and beauty. When I look into your amazing, complex, green eyes, that seem to change color with the mood, I get this enormous comfort that overcomes me inside and out. It’s peaceful, calming and soothing, and yet at the same time, it is exciting, stimulating, and exhilarating. That seems like an impossible paradox, I know, but it exists in your beautiful green eyes when they reflect my gaze. It speaks of love, happiness, hope, passion, comfort, safety, fun, and, as I’ve told you more than a few times, home.
I don’t know how often I’ll make entries to this journal. I’m beginning this today, Tuesday, July 10th, 2012. My reasons for this journal are several. I suppose if I were a woman with a “BFF” girlfriend, I’d share it with her. But as a man, let’s just say I don’t have that kind of “BFF” in my circle of friends at the moment. And so far, in my experience, guys don’t generally share this kind of stuff. Another reason I’m writing this is that I hope one day, when we are further into our story, we can look back on this and read it together, and steal a laugh or a tear or both. Maybe looking back on this one day will provide some comfort to you at some time of doubt, or possibly just provide a fun read.
I’ve never done anything like this before, but I’ve never seen so much hope in another human being before either. In you, I see everything I have ever wanted, everything I could ever want. I know it’s real because this isn’t something that just happened instantly, it has been carefully considered and thought out. I knew when I first met you how special and different you are from many people, but it did take months of getting to really know you and who you really are to understand and realize how truly in love with you I am. And when this realization occurred, everything that wasn’t clear before that moment became clear. And that’s how I’ve come to where I am now, and that’s how and why I’ve reorganized my priorities. It is what made me genuinely want to let go of the past, and look towards a present and future with you as the centerpiece of my life. I haven’t done everything completely right from the beginning, but I’ve owned my mistakes, and I’ve shared them with you. The one constant has been, I have only fallen more and more in love with you, and become more and more sure it is you that I want in my life.
I love everything about you. I love that you are an artist at heart, I love the expressions you make, the sound of your voice, the little giggle you let out when you leave me voicemails. I love how passionate you are about your beliefs, political and otherwise. I love your genuine heart of gold, and my heart recognizes it like an old friend. I love the intelligent, confident woman you are. I love that you don’t have a Facebook page, I love that you like regular mail, I love that you want to adopt a little African or Asian orphan when you’re a little older and ready to be a mommy. I love how when I watch you sleep, you look like an angel. I’m sure by the time you read this, I will have told you all of these things, perhaps many times. But this evening, I just want to put out into the universe how much I love you and everything about you, and how for the first time, really in my life, I see everything I’ve ever wanted to see in everything we can be.
Love, admiration, and respect,